How to make my child learn lessons and remember?

My son is studying in 4th std. He works very hard yet his problem is that he cannot remember what he learns. During final examination preparations, he revised all lessons with me for more than 4/5 times - oral as well as written. In spite of this, he could not remember due to which, out of frustration, I lose my temper. I became so helpless that I do not know how to make him learn his lessons. Objective seems to be good for him but Question answers, short notes, compositions, experiments were all so tough for him to remember. Can you please guide in this direction?

Counselling Answers by Kirandeep : Kidsfreesouls Team Crew Member (for the week 17th April-24th April 2008)

Dear Manisha,

Thank you for writing in to kidsfreesouls. It seems like both you and your son are very strong willed and patient to revise all his lessons 4/5 times. Manisha, many times we don’t get the desired results for our hard work because of various reasons. We need to identify those reasons in your son’s case.

I believe that each child is very capable and unique. Hence, I am sure that your son too is extremely capable and has a lot of potential. Various factors could be affecting his performance of the same.

It could be exam stress or anxiety coupled with high expectations from him.

It could be fear of writing an exam and specifically fearing the long answers. So, in spite of knowing the long answers during the time of revision, fear of the same and a negative attitude towards them, may be the immediate cause, according to me.

We as parents play a major role in our children’s confidence levels. On the same lines, we are also the ones largely responsible for instilling the fear of various things in them.

So, another aspect you could look at is to trust your child and believe in him rather than doubting his potential and his performance. I would take it as a fact that both of you have done and continue to do things to the best of your capabilities. Focus on this fact and watch your temper be replaced by a feeling of compassion and understanding for your child.

Certain techniques can aid memory and exam performance. You could try whichever suits you.

One technique is to mark out the IMPORTANT POINTS for long answers and make memory mnemonics for remembering those points. For example, VIBGYOR represents the colours of the rainbow, Violet, Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange and Red.

You could also MAKE TUNES for the points if that works for him.

Make DIAGRAMS AND FLOW CHARTS to represent concepts and long answers. Visual form of data is very effective for many people.

PASTE important points and diagram- depiction of long answers ON THE WALLS OR SOFT BOARD; whichever would strike the eyes. Make it colourful and attractive.

Encourage your son to WORD HIS OWN ANSWERS around the main points. This would prevent relying entirely on text books language. It puts things in his control.

You could also paste POSITIVE AND MOTIVATIONAL THOUGHTS.

COMMUNICATE to him that you love him no matter what he does. So, he will not be afraid of losing your trust and faith in him.

Remember that learning can be through various modes, audio, visual, tactile, etc. Use these to find out which mode your child prefers using.

To avoid pressurizing or over emphasizing on the failure to write long answers, it would help to SHIFT THE MODE FROM SERIOUS TO FUN. Making study fun and interactive works well for kids.

Try to make your child EXPERIENCE what he is studying rather than just rote learning. This will make his knowledge base strong and also help him recall better. For instance, you could take him to a geographically significant location nearby, or to a museum, a science park, etc. TO HELP HIM SEE, TOUCH AND SENSE KNOWLEDGE in a 3 dimensional world rather than in plain text books.

You could also introduce your son to RELAXATION TECHNIQUES like meditation (it could be total involvement in any activity of his choice), deep breathing, reciting of verses from holy scriptures, resonating the sound of ‘aum’, yogic exercises like shavasana and giving positive suggestions to self, for example, Saying to self in a relaxed state, ‘I am capable of doing all that I want.’ ‘I remember and write my long answers well.’ ‘I am at ease and confident during my exams.’

You could also think of INCLUDING THINGS HE LIKES DOING, in his schedule. That will ensure his enthusiasm, zest, self- confidence and motivation remain intact. After all, these are the most important forces in life. Also, convey to him that his capabilities are not questioned just because he cannot remember and write answers. Show him and yourself that he is good at so many other unique things. This is to develop a BALANCED VIEW OF HIMSELF right from this tender age.

Remember, our attitude makes all the difference. THINKING POSITIVE, increases the chances of success. We must also believe fully in those positive affirmations.

Remember, no situation or problem is bigger than us. Everything can be achieved if we have the right attitude and the right techniques. Hope this has answered your query and you have found what you were looking for.

KEY POINTS:
Stress
Fear
Exam anxiety, too much pressure
Use techniques- points, use of own words, understanding and interest
Knowledge more important than marks
Concentration and relaxation exercises
Make study fun
Practical study- showing and experiencing is different from mugging up
Include other activities as well- ‘all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy’
Encourage him and reward him when he tries and insist more on trying rather than getting good marks
Be happy and don’t worry. Do your best and leave the rest! Childhood and parenthood are too precious to be lost in anxieties