Study & Memory Problems

Many times, we take life very seriously. We feel that our problem is the end of the world. But you never know! It might just be a beginning of something new and better. This is where we can actually learn from our own children, how to be happy and how to live in the moment. They do not worry about the future, nor ponder over the past. They just live free. They may not know their History and Geography, but surely they know one thing, (better than most of us), and that is how to be happy. And it doesn’t end at that! They also spread happiness around. How many of us actually can and will do that- be happy and spread happiness? We are too busy and way too involved in our cares and worries to admire this gift of our children. In fact, eventually, we do manage to crush their carefree spirit under the pressures academics and society. We so easily forget that all that we do is so that we can be happy. But in the whole process of gaining happiness, we forget to be happy. So laugh a lot and smile often. Better still, laugh and play with your children and see the happiness double!!

- Kirandeep

Counselling Answers by Kirandeep : Kidsfreesouls Team Crew Member
(for the week 1-9 February 2008)

I have a son who is in class six. He is very energetic and active. He is intelligent but hates studying. He is an average student, who scores 50% marks. He fails to complete his class work in school and therefore, lags behind. As of now I have enrolled him in a tuition class and even I take up his study in the morning before he goes to school. His dad also is concerned about him doing well, so he is very strict about study. He takes up our son’s tables when he drops him to school. We all are trying in our own way to ensure that he does well in school but I get frustrated at times when he doesn’t sit to study with me. Sometimes I even raise my hand on him.
How is he going to deal with so much competition? How is he going to become something and earn a living? He is our only son. I have two elder daughters, who are doing well at college and work. Only this child is slightly slow and average. Please tell me what to do?

-Mrs. Kalpana, Ahmedabad

Answer by Kirandeep

Do read my note above and take time to think over it.

You seem to be very concerned about your child’s success. I can understand that you want your child to score good marks and do well in school.

Let me tell you that the capacity, inclination and aptitude of each child are different. So, if you expect your son to be as brilliant at academics as your daughters, you may be expecting too much out of him. Besides, drawing comparison with his ‘brilliant’ sisters might even make him feel that he is not good enough. It would make him feel sad that he cannot live up to the expectations of his parents. If you know his capacity, you need to accept him as he is and give him the space to express what he likes to do. He needs to put in efforts and work hard on his academics but don’t expect him to put all his time only in study. He seems to be doing that already- begin his day earlier than his peers to study, then give up his tables to dad, than spend half his day studying in school, come back home and go for tuitions to study, come from tuition and complete home work or go to play or watch TV. He is spending most of his waking hours to something related to study and you want him to study more? He obviously is not going to feel like studying in this scenario. It is probably crossed the limit for him.

It is not important how many hours he gives for study. What is important is that even if he sits for an hour, but will full concentration and willingness, it is worth five hours of compulsory study. It may be getting very monotonous for him to just do one thing everyday. Let him do other things of his interest too. It will mobilize his energies and refresh him. He will be able to study better.

Ask him how he would like to plan his study and leave a little responsibility to him. Let him understand the importance of studying himself. Now he knows that that you are there to take care and worry, so he does not bother about it. But once he realises that he is going to decide when he wants to study, whether he wants to complete his class work, etc. and when he faces the consequences of his own actions, he will realise on his own. So, why don’t you relax a little and redefine the rules of the game?

Dear Kirandeep,

I am a student of class 10. I am working very hard on my academics. I study for five hours daily besides my school time. The problem with me is that I forget what I have studied. I just black out and don’t seem to remember even what I had studied very well. I need to study the chapter once again to remember it better. But that wastes a lot of my time. Can you tell me ways in which I can study and remember better?

Thank you.
- Natasha, Pune.

Answer by Kirandeep

I appreciate your query. It speaks of your dedication towards your studies. The concern you have is very normal and can be dealt with.

First of all, you are in the tenth, which is a crucial year because it decides the college you get into. So, there is a marked pressure to do well this year, which is why nervousness may be playing a role in your forgetting. Secondly, if you are mugging up your chapters by repeating or reading again and again, instead of understanding, there is a greater chance of you forgetting it later. Thirdly, if you do not regularly revise what you have learnt, only some percent of the learnt information enters your long term memory, which is why you remember very little of what you actually studied.

Let me discuss each of these three reasons in detail now. If your tenth is giving you the shivers, you need to relax a little. Take time out to unwind and recharge and then come back to your books, all refreshed. It could be anything, a walk in the garden, a game of badminton, a chat with a friend, anything. You can even try out deep breathing and meditation to help you calm your mind. In deep breathing, you take a series of long deep breaths. Imagine that you breathe in fresh air and breathe out all your tension and stress. Think a few positive thoughts and repeat them to yourself, such as, ‘I remember everything that I have studied’; ‘I am clear, confident and capable’. Do this exercise everyday for five minutes and see the difference it makes!
Exercising or playing out in the open will also give you the refreshing effect. Remember, your brain needs lot of oxygen to work well.

Drink plenty of water. It keeps the brain awake and thinking. Watch your diet. Avoid eating junk food as they give only calories and no energy. Have lots of fruits and vegetables. Eat a balanced diet. Your diet influences your energy levels and overall health. It will help you to combat stress.
About the second point, you need to understand what you are studying. If something does not make sense to you, there is less chance of you remembering it later. Moreover, true knowledge is obtained by good understanding of various subjects. If you have doubts or can’t understand something, you need to get it clarified by your teacher, parents or friends.
Thirdly, I would stress on the importance of revision in memory. If you just revise (i.e. review/ read) once what is done in school every day after coming back home, trust me you’ll understand and remember much more. If you have studied a particular topic today, you must revise it tomorrow. Revision is as important as learning. There is no alternative to it.

Last but not the least, I wish you luck and wisdom to clear this year with flying colours! All the best!